My Birth Story by Vanessa (aka Nessa)

let's start in May 2007 ...

Darian is just about to turn 5 months old. My periods weren't even regular yet after having him, but I had this niggling feeling. I did a HPT and lo and behold - BFP

This alone put me in shock, and when Moose came home from work, I told him. Off to the GP we went for confirmation. thier test was also positive. I got a referal and the next day made an appointment to see the OB and midwives I had seen not so long ago. Let me tell you, they were stunned to see me sitting in their offices once again! They sent me off for a U/S to get a due date as I had no idea when my last period had been.

fast forward to June.
I dropped Darian off at my mums so my stepsister could watch him while I went for the U/S. My aunty and uncle were there, as well as a friend and my 2 stepsisters. My mum was at work though. My aunty asked if I wanted her to come, but it was just a routine dating scan, I'll be fine, and off I went.
After waiting for about 10 mintues I was called through and the sonographer set up. As soon as she put the monitor on my tummy she asked if I could see anything unusual. I could! I saw 2 tiny little sacs! And then it hit me........there's two babies!!!!! complete shock! I couldn't speak! I was there alone!!!!! Why on earth didn't I take my Aunty with me?!? She did her usual checks and told me I was 7 weeks, and the due date was 15th Feb 2008. Not even a full month after Darian's birthday. She printed me some pics and I left.

I sat in the car park for 15 minutes in total shock. Then I realised I should call Moose and tell him. And my mum...oh and I had to get back to Darian! So I called Moose at work. "Sit down and take a deep breath" I said. He immediately thought something was wrong. "There's 2" two what? he says. and then it dawned on him. He was in shock now too :hehe: Perfectly useless at work too, his boss ended up sending him home! Then I sms'd my mum, who thought I was joking. I then went back to mums, not quite able to talk in coherent sentences and placed the pics on the table........... well, the house went mad!! :hehe: I called my dad and told him who was as shocked as the rest of us!

Fast forward to January 27th 2008 (37 weeks 2 days)

A very non eventful pregnancy. I asked mum if she could babysit the boys so Moose and I could go to dinner, as it would probably be the last chance we get for a while. Still had no idea if I was getting induced or they were going to wait for a natural labor.

We went out to dinner, back to mums and collected the boys and went home. Got the kiddies into bed and got on my computer....read some posts and added a few of my own, then went to bed (10pm) I read for a little while then went to sleep. Right on 12am I got my first contraction! nah, can't be....went back to sleep. 10 minutes later....another. and another....they were slowly getting closer but after Moose's reaction to when I went into Labour with Darian, I wasn't telling him until I was ready to go. 1am I rang the hospital (Moose heard me talking this time) and they told me to go in, so I let my mum know (she was coming again) and got the boys out of bed, then rang another Aunty to come over to look after Darian at my mums house. Took the boys to mums and picked mum up, and off we went. 40 min drive to the hospital. On the Calder Fwy heading towards the city we get pulled over for a random breath test!! As the officer has come up to the window I had a really strong contraction and let out a bit of a yell. The officer then didn't bother with anything and let us go. We didn't get an escort though :hehe:

Arrived at the hospital at 2am and they took me straight up to the labour ward. and got a drip in my arm. All the usual checks and then said I had a while to go and the anaesthesiologist came and told me what they were going to do to give me the epidural. They did the epi, and then left me go for an hour or 3...around 5:30am we watched the hot air balloons rise up over the city. more checks, not much going on so they put some gel in....we'll leave you a bit longer..... I had now been at the hospital for 9 hours! Around 11:30am they decided to break my waters (Luke) and get things moving. The contractions got stronger almost immediately and they had to top up my epi. They got me to push but Luke wouldn't budge. A quick U/S showed he was presenting brow, so they pushed his head back and tucked his chin in, but the moment I pushed again he lifted his head. (that's how he got his first black eye!) The midwife got the shits (sorry no other way to put it) with the intern that was attending to me (cos she wanted me to keep pushing when it was clear that wasn't doing anything!!) and went and got the OB supervisor that was on (12:30pm). After she checked everything out it was determined I would need and emergency c/section. (1pm)

They laid me back down as I wouldn't need to be sitting anymore, and knocked my epi out! It wore off in about 4 minutes and I was screaming!! The pain was completely unbearable! A new anaesthesiologist (she looks remarkably like my SIL, I think I told her 15 times!) was on and she came in to give me drugs and ask if I wanted a spinal block or a general. I was scared beyond belief by this time and opted for the general. Off to the operating theatre I went. Because I was having a general no-one was allowed in and both Mum and Moose had to wait in the corridor. The idiot intern wanted to do one more check before they put me under, and told me to tell her when I was contracting and she would do it as soon as it finished. She then didn't wait for me to tell her and I kicked her and demanded then and there she get out! If she can't look after me properly she wasn't to be near my babies!! I don't remember a thing past here!!

Luke was born at 2:43pm and Samantha was born at 2:44pm 28 January 2008.

When I came too I looked at Luke and thought, OMG he looks like Jayden! and I vaguely remember Sami being in a humidicrib.

Emotional Recovery by helseyc

I have had caesareans on my mind of late.

Everywhere I look (and sometimes if I just look down) I'm reminded of them. A story in Saturday's Courier Mail, one in Brisbane's Child, hearing it on the radio and TV. Why the focus just now?

I felt like I was reading my own story when I read Danielle Aalders’ Taking A Cut (Brisbane's Child June 2010). She explained the trauma of not giving birth naturally and having no real choice in the matter. I have had two caesareans without any kind of labour. The first was classed an emergency due to pre-eclampsia and a breech baby that we also tried to turn manually, but she refused to budge! The 2nd was classed as ‘elective’ due to pre-eclampsia again and twin A being breech. Like Danielle, I had not ‘elected’ for a caesarean either time. I had always planned for a vaginal birth, but as with my first daughter, I soon learned that you cannot always be in control. I laugh now about a birth plan. Second time around, to be honest, I didn’t bother writing one. Also when I knew we were having twins, I knew the likelihood of me having a caesarean was very high, yet I still hoped that my body would start the natural labouring process that says “ok, we’re ready…let’s go!” But it was not to be. I was more emotionally prepared second time around as I knew what I was in for, but it didn’t make it any easier.

In discussion with a friend just before this article was read, we spoke that the focus is on physical but not emotional recovery for women in our position. I know that I felt great anguish over not experiencing a natural birth. It was as if I had read a book from start to finish, but there were pages missing right before the end. We skipped something important. Yes, everyone’s reply to this is that it doesn’t matter how you deliver as long as you have a healthy baby and mother. To this I agree whole heartedly, but have to be honest that I still feel like I’ve missed out on something special.

Amanda Horswill in her article A cry in the dark (Courier mail  13 June 2010) referred to natural birth as being "connected to generations and to the natural order, to become a warrior woman". But she too was not perpared for, as she put it "the slicing open of my abdomen". Her story is actually about post natal depression but through her writing you can see that the fact she did not labour naturally may have contributed to this.

I can empathise with her to a degree. Although not ever diagnosed, there was a dark time for me too. A time when I knew I wasn't right and I wasn't coping and just seemed to last beyond the normal troughs of life. I couldn't express my pain of not ever experiencing labour or having a natural birth with family or friends without breaking down. I can talk about it now and the tears don't fall anymore...but the hurt is still there.

I've only ever met one or two other people out of all the women I know who have been in my position. Most women I talk to have either laboured before the caesarean or have had natural births previous to or after their surgery.

I am truly grateful for the staff in the theatres, both caesareans, as they were amazing! They could see the first time I was very upset, genuinely shocked, so made me laugh and put music on. Reliving the moment the babies were placed on my chest (the end page of my book) will always be a highlight. I feel very blessed and know that I am very fortunate to have 3 beautiful & healthy girls and if the saying is true, then time heals all wounds!

Twins & those moments that make you acknowledge the fact by helseyc

Today was an interesting day to say the least. It was neither a golden day or an ungolden day...but it was a day filled with moments.

I went to the gym early this morning. Erin and Sunny seemed out of sorts from the moment they woke up to their morning milk and weetbix. I was in two minds about bundling them and their sister into the car and off to the gym! The mother guilt set in! "Maybe I should stay at home so they can rest more!?" But the gym was calling and I though that maybe the change of scene would spark their mood. Well I was right!

Gone are the days where I could carry two car capsules into the gym with my gigantic nappy bag over one shoulder and a toddler tagging along side. Now the girls are nearly 10months old - it's a full scale pram operation. Nappy bag rests across the handle and toddler holds onto the side of the pram (especially in the carpark Claudia!). Mental note to self : Take nappy bag off handle before taking one baby out of pram - or the pram tips backwards!!! Not nice for remaining baby!

In we trapse to the gym, past the counter, past the male personal trainers that follow me with their eyes. I'd like to think they're actually looking at my 12 week challenge enhanced post twins baby body, but they're actually looking at this woman with 3 kids and wondering either how I cope, or how I get to the gym so early!

The staff in the creche are amazing, they whisk the girls away from me, as they have fun at guessing "which baby is which" and I'm off upstairs to lift some weights. Why do I go to the gym to lift weights, when I can just stay at home and lift the girls up and down the stairs all day long?

I get back to the creche and there I see them....side by side in the playpen holding each others hand and watching the door, like they're waiting for me. When they recognise it's me, they both smile these adorable smiles.

This afternoon we had the second swine flu injection for the girls. For the first time I could actually see Sunny looking on with concern at what was happening to Erin (or so it seemed). They both seemed to be looking out for each other.

As an aside...Have you ever wondered why Panadol for babies comes in such small bottles? I was never concerned about this fact with Claudia, but I just seem to go through the stuff with twins!

There was a moment today where I was reminded of the struggle to have two babies at once. I had Erin on the change table and whilst changing her I saw that Sunny had pulled to standing up but was starting to lose her balance. What do I do? Leave the baby on the change table to rescue the falling baby? Or let the baby fall from standing so that the baby on the change table won't roll off! Those moments are difficult!

Finally, at the end of the day...I've really started to notice the girls "playing" together, smiling at one another and I wonder what they think of each other. I KNOW they adore their big sister Claudia as whenever she enters the room, or takes toys to the girls or cuddles them, their faces light up in an instant!

I feel truly blessed to have twins and a toddler. Blessed that they chose me as their mum and blessed that I get to experience these little twin moments.