For three years, I have pondered what being a mummy to multiples means and why it is so different to being a mother to a singleton, or two children of different ages. Here is what I have decided!
Multiple mummies are blessed with infinite patience, although we may often think that we are not. The patience is not just directed at our little monkeys who conspire to keep us on our toes but it is bestowed upon us to allow us to deal with the gazillion curious, frustrating and , let's be honest here, often downright stupid questions and comments that assault our ears every time we dare venture out of the house.
Multiple mummies are blessed with great fortitude and courage ...we have to be in order to wrestle two or more, newborns, and later, two or more toddlers into the family car, often with other siblings in tow, and drive to a public place and alight from the car. We then face the prospect of much newborn crying and/or tandem toddler tantrums at the aforementioned public place and are subjected to the quietly-whispered scrutiny of other parents, none of whom has anything resembling a clue of what it is like to parent multiples. And who am I kidding? Often the scrutiny and criticism is not so quietly whispered, it's more of a dull roar!
Multiple mummies can multi-task brilliantly ... in fact, I think we invented the phrase! As a multiple mummy I have discovered that I can change a nappy on one bottom whilst holding another little cherub in my "free" arm. I can restrain not one but two little people who are trying to run away or injure each other. I can eat my dinner in front of the TV whilst rocking two unsettled newborns in their rockers with my feet. I can go to the toilet whilst negotiating a peace deal that the United Nations would be proud of ... you get the idea!
Multiple mummies have an amazing resilience ... despite all the hard work of two or more newborn babies and two or more toddlers, many of us go back for more babies. I think we have the thought that we have "done twins", how hard can another baby be? I think that was the logic of my friend who had twins and went back for baby number 6 ... and got babies 6,7 and 8!!!!!
Multiple mummies are members of an exclusive club. Do you give other twin or triplet mummies that special knowing smile and nod when you are out and about? I know I do. It's almost as if we are saying "Hi. I know what you are dealing with right now. Isn't being a multiple mummy special?" Sort of doesn't work if you don't have your multiples with you though, I think the other mummy just thinks you are a weirdo then!
Multiple mummies give other mothers hope and gratitude ... they are innately grateful to be the mother of singletons and are happy to tell you that they are "glad it's you and not them." Personally, I'm glad it's me and not them too, I love my cherubs and can't imagine being without them. But if seeing me and my small tribe makes them more appreciative of their own special blend of family, then great! Glad I could help, it's all part of the service that comes with being a multiple mummy.
Multiple mummies are doyennes of graciousness ... how else would we cope with the "Are they IVF?" "Are they natural?" "Did you have them vaginally?" "Are you breastfeeding?" questions without completely losing the plot otherwise? Despite the sometimes overwhelming desire to pummel the offending question-asker into unconsciousness with a nappy bag laden with enough supplies of everything for an entire day's outing with your new twins, or to mow them down with your enormous pram, you restrain yourself and maintain your dignity and decorum, mutter something polite and continue on your way.
Multiple mummies can be stretched to the limit and still they keep stretching, both literally and figuratively. Just when you think you may explode and your belly can stretch no further, your skin finds it's capacity to stretch just that teeny tiny bit more to allow your amazing growing bubbas a bit more room to move (often adding a few more purple marks to mummy's tummy, thereby ruining her former career as a swimsuit model and Playboy Bunny). But it's not just physically that we stretch, it's also a figurative stretching too. We turn our brain inside out trying to work out ways of keeping two steps ahead, (actually most of the time I am happy to keep a toenail ahead cos two steps is just way too far and dauntingly impossible most days). We stretch our wallets, our emotions, our time ... it's all just part of what being a multiple mum entails. And sometimes, when you just can't stretch anymore, being a multiple mummy means you have permission to have a bit of a meltdown. Mine usually happen on the kitchen floor and involve copious amounts of tears and much sobbing, but I feel a lot better after-wards!
Some of the most amazing people I know are multiple mummies. They are gentle, yet tough; happy, yet always wondering if they have given everyone enough of themselves; they have firm boundaries; yet are incredibly flexible to rise to the challenge of parenting the wonders that are their children; they are frugal, yet give their children many, many riches; they embody what it is to be a supermum.
If you are reading this, congratulations! You are one of those Supermums!
