That's right...I'm Mummy! by Amanda (Mandymum)

The last 4 months of my life have gone by so fast, one day after the other, all the same yet somehow different. I was feeling like I was putting in so much effort for these two little babies who I obviously love and adore to pieces but felt like I was getting nothing back. I had imagined having these two little babies who would instantly and unconditionally love me back, but nothing.....

I thought it was because I'd had a c-section and didn't have that magical first cuddle with them on your chest and kept reading about how the first 72 hours of a babies life are the most critical when it comes to bonding....well I managed to somehow get a 'Spinal Headache' from the anaesthesia from the procedure which made be bed stricken for pretty much a whole week, so didn't really get to see or cuddle my babies for at least a day after seeing them. The first time I went down to the SCN I was holding Jasper and bam! My head started throbbing and I couldn't be upright, the nurses had to take my baby and Dean tried his hardest to get me back to my room without bumping into the walls with my wheelchair..... (didn't do too well at that).

Another day went past when I couldn't be upright or have any form of light so I couldn't see my babies then either...... I couldn't stop crying and asking the nurses if the babies would even know if I was their mother.... 'of course they will' they said, that day my midwife saw how upset I was and demanded that the wardsmen take me down to SCN in my hospital bed which I did with a towel over my face to hide the light and they even dimmed the SCN where my babies were. Then it got to a point where the lactation consultant and two SCN nurses brought my babies up to me and I had my first real 'kangaroo cuddle' and attempt at breastfeeding which my babies took to in an instant, I didn't want them to go back but they had to.... I'd had enough and decided to go ahead and get a blood patch, which involved taking blood out of my arm and putting it back where the spinal needle went in to block the tiny puncture hole right near my spine, it hurt! even thought the first actual anaesthetic didn't! A few hours later and I was able to get up and be in a room with light, so I went straight down to the SCN to cuddle those babies of mine and didn't want to leave.....

Anyway, getting to the point.... I'd felt like this whole experience had somehow made my babies not bond with me, they didn't care who held them, didn't settle when I had them....nothing... Until last week, when Dean's family came over both babies wanted me! and ever since they seem to settle when I have them, fall asleep when I sing to them, smile and "talk" to me everytime they wake up and see me and always want mummy cuddles over anyone else! I know I may regret wanting this so bad when I have two toddlers trying to get mummy cuddles at the same time but at the moment I really feel bonded and connected to my littles babies who have made my life beautiful!.... That's right....I'm mummy!

My Birth Story by Peta (aka Pete79)

The birth of the girls was the easiest out of the 3 births I had. Dylans was long and painful, I had pethidine with him, he got stuck and needed to be vacuum extracted out which required a cut and stitches after, I was rather tender and worn out after. My birth with Reagan was a little better then Dylan, only 4 hrs with no drugs. I had many stitches after so was very sore for ages after. With the girls it was a 4 hr labour, Twin B (Mikayla) was born breech. I had to have an epi so I didnt feel a thing and had no stitches after, wasnt worn out or very sore after. It was really a walk in the park for me compared to my others!

My Birth Story by Tania (aka Tanica72)

When my 4th baby, Luke was around 9 months old we decided we would like to try for another baby. We knew we wanted more children and neither of us is getting any younger so we thought we may as well get on with trying. I remember having the discussion with my husband that "twins would be nice, then we'd have an even number of kids". Believing that prayer works, we prayed, "God if you think we could handle twins, we would be open to that". Little did we know that my then 9 year old daughter was also praying for twins. Within a month or so I was pregnant. This pregnancy felt different in that I was so extremely tired. I also suffered quite a few migraines in the first few months. We decided to have the 12 week nuchal scan so we could see the baby. Surprise surprise - twins. We were a little shocked but not totally bowled over. Then began the roller coaster ride of having identical twins - fortnightly scans, fears about TTTS, gestational diabetes and then the various doctors opinions about vaginal delivery versus caesarean. My 4 previous births had been pretty straight forward vaginal deliveries. My main concerns with having a caesarean were the need for an epidural (the thought of a needle in my back didn't impress me) and also worrying how I would cope with the recovery of a caesarean with twins and an active toddler (plus 3 older children).

After much research and discussion with my husband and doctors I decided to go ahead and have a caesarean. I was booked in for 37 1/2 weeks. One day before 37 weeks I went into labour, so we went up to the hospital. Considering one of my labours was only 1 1/2 hours, I didn't want to wait too long before going to the hospital. We went ahead with the caesarean a few hours after arriving at the hospital. The epidural wasn't too bad except that I felt extremely cold during the birth and for about half an hour afterwards and I couldn't stop shivering. My precious babies were born at 4.09am and 4.10am. The recovery from the caesarean was actually worse than I thought it would be. I had several infections and still feel tenderness from time to time. I am 95% sure that our family is complete but if we did end up having a 7th baby I would hope to have a vaginal birth again if all the circumstances were right.

A few days old.

Beginning the Journey...by helseyc

Yesterday I had morning tea with Roxanne, nearly 33 weeks pregnant with triplets and Amanda and her 4 month old twin boys Jasper and Ryker.

It was lovely to sit (well kind of sit whilst watching two 10 months old search a new house) and chat to these women about life right now.

Roxanne, a fantastic lady, tall in stature with a belly so beautifully in proportion with her body. To me, her belly looks small to be holding 3 in there. To others who knows? But she is definitely in pregnancy glow mode.

Amanda, youthful and lovely, with two gorgeous boys who obviously reflect both mum and dad's beauty.

We asked each other questions. For Roxanne it was more what was it like in the beginning and comparing this pregnancy with that of her son's. I could see in her that "fear/impending joy of the unknown". I wanted to tell her, but couldn't put into words, that I could also remember that feeling distinctly. That feeling of "I wonder what it will be like when they are here? I wonder if I'll cope? I wonder how I'll do this and that?"  I wish you could bottle that feeling of the unknown with all its dark and light moments. To me it's a little like a fairytale moment, as you can't quite pick the reality of it, but you know it's not make believe either.

Today I will order my last 12 tins of formula for Erin and Sunny. I am nearing the end of my first year of this journey, Amanda is almost half-way through it and Roxanne is at the beginning. We've all had and will have our peaks and our troughs throughout this journey...but all in all, Ain't life grand!

My Birth Story by Amanda (aka Mandymum)

I gave birth to my twins via Emergency C-section from PI Hypertension. I went into the hospital on a Saturday night and stayed there while they monitored my blood pressure, Monday morning my OB came in and said the babies were coming out at 11am, I was stunned!

After being extremely nervous they prepped me with a Spinal Anaethesia and very quickly one minute after another my two beautiful little boys were born, I heard them both cry as they came out and got to have a quick cuddle after they were wrapped. The curtain fell a bit so DH saw when they popped the sac and it went on the floor and he almost hurled, he said it was so gross but he couldn't look away. All in all it went extremely smoothly and quick, however I ended up with a "Spinal Headache" which was horrible so I was in hospital for over a week and had to get a 'blood patch' where they take blood out of my arm and put it over the hole where the spinal needle went in.

 Bubbas came home a week later.....

My Birth Story by Carly (aka Carly's Angels)

I was very excited to see two lines appear on the home pregnancy test I did in early December but a little apprehensive at the same time as I had lost a baby three months before. My period wasn't even due for another four days but I had been alternating between feeling dreadfully sick and starving for the whole week. My instincts told me to buy a HPT and my suspicions were confirmed.




I went to see my obstetrician who sent me for blood tests. They confirmed I was pregnant and she said to me that we could be "cautiously optimistic". I was haunted by the term "cautiously". Did she suspect that there was something wrong? Did she expect me to lose the baby? I tried to put it out of my mind and continue as normal, trying desperately to focus on Christmas shopping and preparations for our trip to visit friends in Queensland. All the while I felt revoltingly ill and soooo tired. I figured this was a good sign.



On Boxing Day we flew to Brisbane to visit our friends. I still felt ill and really tired and in the end we told them that I was 5 weeks pregnant. Then on December 30 at 11pm I started bleeding really heavily. I was devastated and just wanted to go home. The next day, my best friend came to take us to her house. I had been worried about telling her that I was pregnant because she had been on IVF for years with no success. But I burst into tears and told her what was happening. She just hugged me and told me that she was there for me.



The whole visit I continued to bleed but due to the time of the year and the fact I had no appointment, no doctors would see me. I decided to try and enjoy the rest of my time there-if I was miscarrying, then there was nothing I could do to stop it. I continued to feel exhausted and sick but resigned myself to the inevitable...



The day after we arrived home I went to see my GP who sent me off for blood tests and an ultrasound. When she called with the results of the blood tests, I was at my ultrasound appointment so she left her mobile number for me to call her back. At the u/s, the technician asked me if it was a natural pregnancy. All sorts of things ran through my head-was the baby deformed, sick etc-but not once did it occur to me that I was having more than one baby. Hubby had already spotted the second heartbeat on the screen before she told us but I nearly fell off the bed.



My pregnancy was quite uneventful, normal blood pressure, very few niggles and the time flew past. I stopped work at 25 weeks and went on sick leave. At 28 weeks, Ava decided to turn into the breech position but I wasn't too worried as I knew there was plenty of time for her to turn back. At 31 weeks, she had stopped growing and I was sent for ultrasounds regularly to monitor her. Fortunately she began to gain weight again and I breathed a huge sigh of relief.



The weeks progressed and Ava stubbornly remained in breech position, indicative of the type of character she would have. At my 37 weeks check up my obstetrician performed an internal and informed me that she was really sorry but all she could feel were little feet and so I would have to have a c/section that Friday.



I spent the next 2 days worrying about the procedure. I was petrified of it. Surprisingly on the Thursday night I slept remarkably well til we got up at 4:30am to be at the hospital by 6 as I was the first op of the day. My mum arrived at 5am to look after Alyssa who bounced out of bed yelling out "Nanny are you here?" She was so excited to see Nanny that she couldn't have cared less about me leaving-good for her but it devastated me at the time.



At the hospital, we were shown to our room and the midwives explained what would happen. At 7:30am I was wheeled down to theatre with Andrew by my side and a midwife wheeling a double crib. An orderly had to get the last "double trouble" comment in as I waited in the hall outside theatre. The anaesthetist came to insert the canula into my hand and I burst into tears. the poor man had little personality (I guess his patients are always asleep ) and didn't know what to do. But then my wonderful doctor appeared and held my hand, asking what I was worried about. I said "Everything". She talked me through the whole insertion of the epidural, holding my hand and stroking my arm. I remember thinking how undignified I felt with the back of my gown open to expose my bum to the world. Then I felt a warm sensation through my body, a sharp pain down my left leg and then i began to go numb.



They asked if I could feel the ice being placed on me and I replied that I couldn't. The anaesthetist asked "Can you feel that?" Apparently the two obs were pinching me very hard to make sure the anaesthetic had worked. Apart from feeling a bit woozy, I was fine.



At 8:13am, August 10 2007, Ava was pulled from my belly feet first. She gave a great cry as she was lifted for me to see her. "Is it a girl or a boy?" I was desperate to know. "It's Ava" hubby replied.



The sensation of them pushing Mason down from under my rib cage was bizzare. He came into the world at 8:15 am, and he was crying before he was even lifted from my tummy. Not much changed there for a while, bless him. I kept thinking what a horrible shock it must have been for them, no preparation, just rudely yanked out of their safe warm cocoon into harsh lights and cold air.



They were examined by the paediatrician and then given to me for a brief cuddle. I remember thinking that they looked like little eskimos, all wrapped up in their blankets. Then they went with their Daddy up to the ward while I was in recovery. I remember through a haze of morphine being really annoyed that my leg was touching the footboard but not being able to do anything about it. I also remember the woman next to me in recovery moaning because she had just had her wisdom teeth removed. The morphine must have affected me cos I wanted to tell her to shut up, I had just had two babies reefed from me.



Back up in my room, I asked for my family. They were around in the SCN being weighed and measured but were brought to me as soon as I asked for them. I regret not insisting they were left with me in recovery, after all their weight and length isn't going to change in an hour, is it?



I spent a week in hospital. The first 36 hours are a bit of a blur as I had morphine in my spine and it took that long to wear off. We brought our precious bundles home on August 17th and, after a few stressful weeks, life was, and still is, wonderful.

My Birth Story by Vanessa (aka Nessa)

let's start in May 2007 ...

Darian is just about to turn 5 months old. My periods weren't even regular yet after having him, but I had this niggling feeling. I did a HPT and lo and behold - BFP

This alone put me in shock, and when Moose came home from work, I told him. Off to the GP we went for confirmation. thier test was also positive. I got a referal and the next day made an appointment to see the OB and midwives I had seen not so long ago. Let me tell you, they were stunned to see me sitting in their offices once again! They sent me off for a U/S to get a due date as I had no idea when my last period had been.

fast forward to June.
I dropped Darian off at my mums so my stepsister could watch him while I went for the U/S. My aunty and uncle were there, as well as a friend and my 2 stepsisters. My mum was at work though. My aunty asked if I wanted her to come, but it was just a routine dating scan, I'll be fine, and off I went.
After waiting for about 10 mintues I was called through and the sonographer set up. As soon as she put the monitor on my tummy she asked if I could see anything unusual. I could! I saw 2 tiny little sacs! And then it hit me........there's two babies!!!!! complete shock! I couldn't speak! I was there alone!!!!! Why on earth didn't I take my Aunty with me?!? She did her usual checks and told me I was 7 weeks, and the due date was 15th Feb 2008. Not even a full month after Darian's birthday. She printed me some pics and I left.

I sat in the car park for 15 minutes in total shock. Then I realised I should call Moose and tell him. And my mum...oh and I had to get back to Darian! So I called Moose at work. "Sit down and take a deep breath" I said. He immediately thought something was wrong. "There's 2" two what? he says. and then it dawned on him. He was in shock now too :hehe: Perfectly useless at work too, his boss ended up sending him home! Then I sms'd my mum, who thought I was joking. I then went back to mums, not quite able to talk in coherent sentences and placed the pics on the table........... well, the house went mad!! :hehe: I called my dad and told him who was as shocked as the rest of us!

Fast forward to January 27th 2008 (37 weeks 2 days)

A very non eventful pregnancy. I asked mum if she could babysit the boys so Moose and I could go to dinner, as it would probably be the last chance we get for a while. Still had no idea if I was getting induced or they were going to wait for a natural labor.

We went out to dinner, back to mums and collected the boys and went home. Got the kiddies into bed and got on my computer....read some posts and added a few of my own, then went to bed (10pm) I read for a little while then went to sleep. Right on 12am I got my first contraction! nah, can't be....went back to sleep. 10 minutes later....another. and another....they were slowly getting closer but after Moose's reaction to when I went into Labour with Darian, I wasn't telling him until I was ready to go. 1am I rang the hospital (Moose heard me talking this time) and they told me to go in, so I let my mum know (she was coming again) and got the boys out of bed, then rang another Aunty to come over to look after Darian at my mums house. Took the boys to mums and picked mum up, and off we went. 40 min drive to the hospital. On the Calder Fwy heading towards the city we get pulled over for a random breath test!! As the officer has come up to the window I had a really strong contraction and let out a bit of a yell. The officer then didn't bother with anything and let us go. We didn't get an escort though :hehe:

Arrived at the hospital at 2am and they took me straight up to the labour ward. and got a drip in my arm. All the usual checks and then said I had a while to go and the anaesthesiologist came and told me what they were going to do to give me the epidural. They did the epi, and then left me go for an hour or 3...around 5:30am we watched the hot air balloons rise up over the city. more checks, not much going on so they put some gel in....we'll leave you a bit longer..... I had now been at the hospital for 9 hours! Around 11:30am they decided to break my waters (Luke) and get things moving. The contractions got stronger almost immediately and they had to top up my epi. They got me to push but Luke wouldn't budge. A quick U/S showed he was presenting brow, so they pushed his head back and tucked his chin in, but the moment I pushed again he lifted his head. (that's how he got his first black eye!) The midwife got the shits (sorry no other way to put it) with the intern that was attending to me (cos she wanted me to keep pushing when it was clear that wasn't doing anything!!) and went and got the OB supervisor that was on (12:30pm). After she checked everything out it was determined I would need and emergency c/section. (1pm)

They laid me back down as I wouldn't need to be sitting anymore, and knocked my epi out! It wore off in about 4 minutes and I was screaming!! The pain was completely unbearable! A new anaesthesiologist (she looks remarkably like my SIL, I think I told her 15 times!) was on and she came in to give me drugs and ask if I wanted a spinal block or a general. I was scared beyond belief by this time and opted for the general. Off to the operating theatre I went. Because I was having a general no-one was allowed in and both Mum and Moose had to wait in the corridor. The idiot intern wanted to do one more check before they put me under, and told me to tell her when I was contracting and she would do it as soon as it finished. She then didn't wait for me to tell her and I kicked her and demanded then and there she get out! If she can't look after me properly she wasn't to be near my babies!! I don't remember a thing past here!!

Luke was born at 2:43pm and Samantha was born at 2:44pm 28 January 2008.

When I came too I looked at Luke and thought, OMG he looks like Jayden! and I vaguely remember Sami being in a humidicrib.

Emotional Recovery by helseyc

I have had caesareans on my mind of late.

Everywhere I look (and sometimes if I just look down) I'm reminded of them. A story in Saturday's Courier Mail, one in Brisbane's Child, hearing it on the radio and TV. Why the focus just now?

I felt like I was reading my own story when I read Danielle Aalders’ Taking A Cut (Brisbane's Child June 2010). She explained the trauma of not giving birth naturally and having no real choice in the matter. I have had two caesareans without any kind of labour. The first was classed an emergency due to pre-eclampsia and a breech baby that we also tried to turn manually, but she refused to budge! The 2nd was classed as ‘elective’ due to pre-eclampsia again and twin A being breech. Like Danielle, I had not ‘elected’ for a caesarean either time. I had always planned for a vaginal birth, but as with my first daughter, I soon learned that you cannot always be in control. I laugh now about a birth plan. Second time around, to be honest, I didn’t bother writing one. Also when I knew we were having twins, I knew the likelihood of me having a caesarean was very high, yet I still hoped that my body would start the natural labouring process that says “ok, we’re ready…let’s go!” But it was not to be. I was more emotionally prepared second time around as I knew what I was in for, but it didn’t make it any easier.

In discussion with a friend just before this article was read, we spoke that the focus is on physical but not emotional recovery for women in our position. I know that I felt great anguish over not experiencing a natural birth. It was as if I had read a book from start to finish, but there were pages missing right before the end. We skipped something important. Yes, everyone’s reply to this is that it doesn’t matter how you deliver as long as you have a healthy baby and mother. To this I agree whole heartedly, but have to be honest that I still feel like I’ve missed out on something special.

Amanda Horswill in her article A cry in the dark (Courier mail  13 June 2010) referred to natural birth as being "connected to generations and to the natural order, to become a warrior woman". But she too was not perpared for, as she put it "the slicing open of my abdomen". Her story is actually about post natal depression but through her writing you can see that the fact she did not labour naturally may have contributed to this.

I can empathise with her to a degree. Although not ever diagnosed, there was a dark time for me too. A time when I knew I wasn't right and I wasn't coping and just seemed to last beyond the normal troughs of life. I couldn't express my pain of not ever experiencing labour or having a natural birth with family or friends without breaking down. I can talk about it now and the tears don't fall anymore...but the hurt is still there.

I've only ever met one or two other people out of all the women I know who have been in my position. Most women I talk to have either laboured before the caesarean or have had natural births previous to or after their surgery.

I am truly grateful for the staff in the theatres, both caesareans, as they were amazing! They could see the first time I was very upset, genuinely shocked, so made me laugh and put music on. Reliving the moment the babies were placed on my chest (the end page of my book) will always be a highlight. I feel very blessed and know that I am very fortunate to have 3 beautiful & healthy girls and if the saying is true, then time heals all wounds!